I’m a hypocrite; What more can I say?
There’s no black and white in my world it’s all shades of grey
I stand for nothing. An emptiness inside of me brews
So understand that my virtues are based on my current moods
That swing sporadically. They’re unpredictable
So when I lie to you and tell you that I’m not miserable
Just let me be because you don’t get it
The next time my mood swings it’s possible that my fists might swing with it
I exaggerate my very essence
And then I grab the pen and then choose to poeticize my presence
So when I go to say something
I align myself with the angels instead of the dirt and grime that I came from
I am no different than those that I chose to point my finger at
It’s funny, because the karma you put out seems to linger back
And when you get your say and it’s all through
The irony is that your words come back to rain on you
I know I am not perfect, so I choose to realign
My ideas with the thoughts that human kind is kind of flawed by design
But with that state of mind will I stay afloat?
Or use that piece of information as my life’s scapegoat?
It was like the floor of my psyche cracked and I fell in
I’m against that type of lifestyle, huh, yeah, that’s what I’d tell them all
Standing face to face with the girl I loved
Saying money’s thin, she’s got drugs
Would I help her sell them?
And I declined as I stood firmly behind
My beliefs as I realized that love isn’t blind; It’s senseless.
I could have prevented this, but I compromised my beliefs
when I slept next to her at night failing to mention this
is eating at me. But since then I’ve forgiven
We’re all products of madness, and we all make fucked up decisions
But now I’m reminded that my proclivity to kindness
Inevitably led me to realize I’m nothing but spineless
I should’ve drew the line and moved on with my life
Because maybe if we did, we could’ve had a chance to make right
Instead of it coming to a head in a fight then…but I didn’t
And now my sister’s missing her supply of per scripted vicodin
And it downs me…
Knowing not standing up for my beliefs ended up hurting others around me
I’m feeling weak and I’m shaking. My mind is taking another route
Want me to open the windows to my soul? Well fuck it, I’ll rip the shutters out
I don’t want to pretend like I’m not damaged man
I’m natures biggest mistake, a fucking average man
The world is sick and when faced with its pain
The only natural option is to seek lunacy because any other reaction would be
well… Insane.
And it was that view in my scenery
That made me aware of all the fear in me
And all the things wrong with me, there’s nothing like time alone with yourself
Because it makes you realize what’s fucked up about your mental health
I started getting scared so afraid of my own reflection
I deflected it by picking at the world’s imperfections
My level of insecurity might be able to hurry me
to an early grave. No color in my life when dullish shades
collide to blackness, now as I start to rap this
I realize I’m out of touch and out of practice
And out of reach from those around me
Running where no light shines, but somehow it still found me
I convinced myself that selflessness was the way to live
But I indulge myself in hedonism with so much to give
And I just keep it all and won’t cross that line
No I won’t go out with you because that costs me money and it costs me time
And how odd it is I have so many issues
but want to tell so many people, “know what your problem is?”
Like I could be some sort of source of some help
Running towards the damaged as I run away from myself
I’ve never been called a dog. I’m just living my life
Looking for something more, searching through all the fog
I can’t stand it or understand it why you would bother
Listening to the frantic rantings of a manic romantic’s monologue
And depression is something I can’t quite bracket off
Life is a big fucking joke, yeah, laugh it off
Because we all find out sometime, everything we work for is insignificant
And that’s life’s greatest punch line
A smile of scars, yeah, I slashed this
To tell the truth I believe we’re all one bad day away from falling into madness
A belief structure from a fictional psychopathic model
Of a clown as I cry over a Killing Joke novel
And I know I’m rambling throughout this song
I guess I used to believe life was divided between right and wrong
But wrong and right is just a shadow when you view your life
As black and white, a rude awakening is brewing in your sights
I’ve contradicted myself immensely
To the point I look at decisions I’ve made in life and offend me
My identity in crisis cries out for silent hopes
An existence exists in the cosmos somewhere behind this
Celestial curtain that hides life’s meaning
A speck of dust on the universe that may never find it’s place
Singing to a crowd of stars a million miles away
He takes a bow, and hangs his head, and wipes his brow
and fades to grey and wonders what is it exactly that happens now?